Reader Question

Q. Hi, I have an issue that I need some advice on. My fiancee and I chose to have a children free reception for many different reasons, most relatives including his father who has a 3 year old were understanding and even appreciative of this. however, one family member is shocked and outraged and is stating that "if his children aren't good enough to be at the reception then they aren't going to be in our wedding party" any advice on how to deal with this?

A.: It is very common for family and friends to attempt to dictate the way you run your day but the thing is - it's your day. If your partner's father can accept not having children as part of your day then the other guests should easily be able to as well.

As calmly as possible explain to the particular guest that you appreciate their honesty and accept that they feel that way though you can not make an exception for their child because you would then have to permit everyone else to bring theirs. Explain that you and your partner really do want to share your day with them, as adults, but understand if they feel that they truly can not attend. If you want to add something more, ask them what they think their children will get out of attending a reception? Speeches, waiting between meals and surrounded by grown ups isn't typically fun for a child.

In putting the ultimatum back on the guest it shows you are appreciating them enough to let them make the decision, but you have still laid out your guidelines. Ultimately most guests will feel guilty for trying to push you into a decision that was against your judgement, though some will stick to their guns and not attend at all. If this happens ask yourself - if they couldn't respect the wishes for your day and your decisions as a couple do you think they truly deserve a place in your wedding party? Your party should have only your best wishes at heart and respect every decision you make about YOUR celebration. A wedding is designed to represent the love of the couple and NOT provide a free feed and entertainment for families.

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WtW